The FearLess LoveMore

Many of us stay with “project” partners or remain in relationships where we’re clearly not valued, simply because of our own insecurities. You settle for less because you think, “Who would want someone like me, with my baggage and past?” So even if that person talks to you disrespectfully, cheats on you, or is physically violent, you stay because, subconsciously, you don’t believe you can do better.

A friend from high school kept returning to a relationship she had been struggling in for a while. When I asked her about it, none of her reasons were based on, “I think this relationship is right for me and it works.” Instead, they were all about, “Who this person used to be, and how she thought this was the best she could do.” She reasoned, “Who else is going to want a 30-something-year-old single mom?” Ironically, she had a guy in a much better position trying to get her attention.

When you’re used to being with someone who disappears, disrespects you, and doesn’t take you out, it’s easy to start thinking it happens because you deserve it. When someone comes along who wants to treat you well, you push them away because “you don’t feel worthy.” You end up recreating the same toxic relationships because that’s the best you think you can do.Remember, you get a little bit of everything in life. What stays is what you feel you deserve.

Choosing “projects” allows you to hide from your own areas of improvement. It lets you focus on your partner’s flaws—lying, cheating, lack of emotional availability—instead of addressing the issues in yourself that attracted you to that type of person.You attracted them because you were insecure.  You didn’t feel you deserved a great relationship and were scared to expect one.  You’re setting yourself up for failure by expecting an emotionally unavailable person to be your partner or someone with no sexual discipline to be faithful.There’s a reason you’re expecting something from someone who can’t deliver. You were insecure and afraid of failure, so you bet on something you didn’t think would win anyway. By giving your heart to someone who’s not prepared to hold it, you’re almost guaranteeing the pain you were trying to avoid.

Believe you’re worthy of someone’s best and give your time to people who give you the best of themselves.

If you stay with someone who treats you like you’re worthless, you’ll start to feel that’s what you deserve. If you stay with someone who treats you as valuable, you’ll start to feel that’s what you deserve. Choose your environment carefully.